The Method

Family constellation is a method to release conditions and patterns in the family and other systems or organizations that inhibit growth and well-being for the individual.
In many cases, the problems reappear in the same family from generation to generation when they are not seen and resolved.

I see that the most important task in our time is to cleanse and heal our family fields and create a solid foundation for our descendants. There is a need for people with upright attitude and good grounding. People who can look forward and feel inward. Who can find new ways of inner peace and trust.

The constellation work can be used for all types of imbalances that occur in the family and the individual. For example, death, adoption, illness, depression, anxiety and stress. The work can be of great support in the crisis of the relationship. Not least, it is effective for families with children who have difficulties.

The method provides tools and solutions for individuals, families, businesses, and other organizations in crisis.
The constellations are made either in a group of people or in single sessions using figures. It is not necessary for the real family to participate in the constellations in order to solve the conflicts that appear in the field.

Family- and systemic constellation is a method of processing relationships and patterns in the family and other systems or organizations that inhibit growth and well-being.

The constellations show us where we are stuck in old notions and patterns that do not belong to us and that no longer have any justification in the new time we are entering.

The method can also be used to address cultural challenges that may arise when different cultures meet and must live side by side. I have used constellation work in Greenland, in Scotland in a community with many nationalities, used it for descendants from Spain who carry on the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War, in Germany with descendants of refugees after World War II.

The organizational constellation

provides a mutual understanding of different groups and opens the hearts to better cooperation. This is not about personal development work, but about a systemic understanding of the situation. I will bring an example from a constellation in Greenland in March 2021:

On the first day of a workshop of three days, I ask all Greenlanders to stand side by side in a row in front of all the Danes who are present. Behind the Greenlanders I ask a deputy for Greenland to stand on a chair and behind the Danes I place a deputy for Denmark on a chair.

I ask the Danes to tell the Greenlanders and Greenland what they get from them and Greenland. The Greenlanders are clearly affected and amazed by what they are listening to.

It doesn´t seem to be difficult for the Danes to describe what they love about being here:

"Here we find peace."

"You are so wonderfully natural, and you are smiling when we meet. You greet as we pass each other on the street. We do not do that in Denmark.”

"You are helpful."

"We love your nature and the deep understanding you have of nature and animals."

"Here we do not have to hurry."

"With you we can relax."

"We love your culture."

"You give us confidence." "And lightness." "And magic."

"You are so honest."

"You also give us challenges that we otherwise would not have had and learned from." (laughter). Everyone knows that there are also big challenges at school and in the city.

"You are so heartful. Here I come in contact with my heart and become more whole.”

I ask the Danes, “tell them: You have been here before us. It's your country. We are here as guests.”

The Danish participants bow their heads for Greenland and their inhabitants, in deep respect and say: “You have been here before us. It's your country. We are here as guests.”

I ask the Greenlanders how it feels. They beam up and say, “More. It feels so good. We want more. Finally. We have been missing that. We would wish all Danes could do this. It heals. Thanks."
They stand with open arms and receive and cry several times. Affected and happy.

Two days later, I again ask the Greenlanders and Danes to face each other in two rows. I ask the Greenlanders what they can remember from what the Danes said to them two days ago and ask them to repeat it.

Say: We give you …….

The Greenlanders proudly say: “We give you peace. You love our nature. We smile at you. You come in contact with your hearts and with your kindness. We are not so solemn. You can relax and find yourself. We are humble.”

There is a wonderful atmosphere in the room. We laugh and look at each other.

I ask the Greenlanders, if they want, to tell the Danes what the Danes give them when they come and live in their city. And they want that. They tell the danish people:

"We love you. We need you, and we cannot do without you.”

"You are so brave. You come to our country and live with us. It is difficult to live in a foreign country. And you do it to support us.”

"We miss you when you leave."

“I have been at the school for more than 40 years and have connected with so many Danish teachers. Many of them became my good friends. I have often mourned when they traveled again. Now I protect myself from the many farewells. That's why I'm not so open anymore. But when you are kind, you are very welcome. And I'm happy for you too.”

“You bring us new things and learning and education. We are happy about that.”

“You come and try to drive a dog sled and a scooter. And we like it, even if you are not very good at it.”

There is a lot of laughter here. And several of the Danish teachers are very moved. I say to the Greenlanders: “This feels so nice. We who come from outside also need to hear that. Thanks."

For a Family Constellation

with personal affairs, one uses the method to understand the entanglements of the individual system and to find solutions.

In many cases, the problems recur in the same family from generation to generation until they are finally seen and resolved.

In family constellations, it is about reaching a Yes to the roots without carrying the unresolved stories and problems of ancestors.

The constellations can be used for all kinds of imbalances that can occur in the family and in the individual. For example, in case of illness, depression, anxiety, stress, divorce, patchwork families, death, adoption.

The constellations can also support and show solutions in crises around the relationship.

Not least, they are effective for families with children who have difficulties.

The constellations take place either in a group of representatives or in the individual sessions using figures or other material.

It is not necessary for the real family to participate in the constellation to solve the complications that appear in the field.

It is possible to work online. I offer online sessions over zoom, or skype, which provide good solutions and results.

The method was developed by Bert Hellinger and is a deepening science of human relationships. He wrote a lot of books about his work, some of them are in English.

Thomas Miller from Findhorn Foundation in Skotland describes the work through an experience.

“I can’t change.”

For me this belief was sticky, resistant, relentless, hard to find the cure for. My brother had killed himself and I didn’t fit into life any more. I couldn’t seem to find a reason for going forward that would stick with me. After a few days a sense of emptiness always returned. Months of this passed and my confusion hardened into despair. 

I was drifting like a ship with a hole in the side, but every time I tried to figure out how to find a sense of direction I would start feeling physically uncomfortable, then get sleepy or anxious. Also, thoughts started swirling in response to the emotional triggers, confirming the sense of helplessness. At some point, I would give up and find some distraction to avoid the sense of overwhelm. But after years of trying to find a way to change, I experienced a systemic constellations session that shifted things for me fundamentally in about two hours.

Beyond ‘Therapy’

I have found value in various kinds of therapies as I tried to loosen the knots in me left over from my brother’s suicide. Each brought some kind of help, which I really appreciate. Also, I think each person needs to find a way that works for them personally. The reason I want to share this, though, is that systemic constellations brought me both understanding and healing in an incomparably clear, direct and efficient way. No amount of talking, thinking or feeling about the situation brought me the resolution that constellation work did.

I remember waking up a few days after a systemic constellations session and realising I was different. Then I realised that after about 15 years of dragging around a sense of lostness and anguish about my brother’s suicide, I was now feeling a tender stillness in which I was simply holding my love for him.

I remember making coffee and going to work, waiting for the familiar background noise of despair to return. It did not.

As I write now I can literally feel within my body a difference. It’s a sense of relaxed lightness now where before I had a sensation like a tight, heavy knot in my abdomen.

What Systemic Constellations Are

Systemic constellations are not incredibly easy to explain if you have not experienced one. You can bring a question or problem to be constellated. It could be a personal issue, like a difficult family relationship. It can also scale up to the world level and you could look at global warming, for example.

Then the less-explicable things happen.

People in the group take on the role of representatives of the different actors in the issue. This could be the role of the questioner’s father, a hereditary disease or the Amazon River. Simply by holding a focus on the question that the group is constellating, representatives will feel in their physical bodies an appropriate movement to make. They sense emotions or images or gestures that will reveal something about the part of the situation they are representing. In some way they are touching into life’s interconnectedness. 

Life Lesson: Death is Fun!

For example, during one family-oriented constellation, I was asked to represent someone’s uncle. I said yes, and instantly felt a sense of lightness. My body wanted to stand on tiptoes. I sensed a kind of humorous ease. Non-intrusive sensations and impulses suggested themselves to me. In the accepting and comfortable space of the group, it was easy and natural to follow along with them. (I could also have stopped at any time or ignored the inner suggestions.)

I was curious: why was I feeling so light, pleasantly detached and benign about everything going on in the situation? The answer surprised me a bit: I was dead.

(The person I was representing was, that is.)

In itself, that experience was life-changing for me. I believe it was a little felt-sense preview of what it will be like when my physical body dies (spoiler alert: actually very relaxing.)

Systemic constellations had let me experience through physical movement the deeper dynamics that governed my life

Systemic Constellations Beyond the Personal Level

Since then I have also experienced constellations on an organisational level. Participating in a massive constellation for the Findhorn Foundation, I experienced the various forces at play in the organisation. Waves of emotion, sensation and mental images came up in me and the other members of the group. As it was going on, I had a felt sense of my place in the bigger whole. I also saw how each individual within that bigger group experienced the changes we were going through very differently. Some felt enthusiasm and eagerness, others felt resistance and sadness. Being present with the collective personality of the community made sense to me of a change process that at other times had felt incoherent and confusing.

Moreover, physically feeling and sensing what was going on in the group brought insight home to me on a level that went far beyond just conceptually knowing something.

I could have sat through the world’s most dynamic powerpoint presentation illustrating how group dynamics work and I wouldn’t have retained a fraction of what that experience gave me.

Four Things that Systemic Constellations Do:

Systemic constellations bring the real issues to light. Master constellator Doris Fischer says “With the help of the constellation work you can go deeper into an unconscious field and find out where you are unsuccessfully bound in entanglements. You must first discover them to solve them.”

Systemic constellations give you space and freedom to make decisions that change the situation. Is there anything that is not easy about being the gender you are? My guess is that about 100% of people probably said yes to that. Doris has recently worked with the changing ideas about and ways of dealing with gender. She notes that constellations can give “a new understanding of the disorders and stories that lie in the masculine and feminine fields of our time.” This is just one example of how constellations give a sense of choice in an area where it often feels like there is none.

Systemic constellations affect all levels of our being. Physically embodying something changes things on more than one level. Talking about issues we have in our lives might help something, thinking about them might also help, feeling strongly about them: ditto. But holistic change only comes when we act.

In a mysterious way constellations allow us to embody the most relevant elements within the situation. (I could refer here to quantum physics or various spiritual traditions, but that would digress too far for this post.) This means that they directly affect us on the level we need change on. It also explains why they easily handled a problem that seemed intractable to me. I had been trying to think my way through something that needed to be felt and engaged with spiritually. As soon as I partnered with the larger energetic system I am a part of, it helped me with the needed answers.

Systemic constellations bring healing to our wider circles. We all live within networks of connection – to our family members, work mates, societies, countries. After my experiences of systemic constellations, I believe that what people do in them affects these wider circles as well. As Doris says, “You will be surprised how much you can solve and heal – not just for yourself but also for your entire family, especially your children and for the collective field we all work for.”

July 25, 2017 By Thomas Miller, www.findhorn.org